My Roommates Evil Cat Seuss

So take a second and look beyond this little “cute” kittens bright curious eyes. Can you see the evil looming? Well don’t let his innocent appearance fool you. This so-called “adorable bundle of joy” is pure evil and yes… I am pretty sure he seeks to end me. Here is a brief history. My roommates found this kitten lost in the busy streets of San Francisco, abandoned by his mother because he was the week runt of her street kitten litter. And yes, It is understandable that a passer by would look into those enormous sweet glistening eyes and instantly seek to comfort the poor thing, such as my roommates did, but as we all know being adorable and cute is purely a survival method for defenseless baby creatures and no way reflects their demonic souls. So doing what any normal animal-loving couple would do, they scooped up the ball of black fur and named him Seuss. And by no means does he reflect the Cat in the Hat or any other one of Dr. Seuss’s joyous characters…except maybe the Grinch.

Now how, you ask, can I have so much hatred for a defenseless cute kitten who was abandoned on the streets?! Well let me put it to you this way. Have you ever seen the 1956 film The Bad Seed? If not, I strongly suggest it. It shows that evil not only takes form in hideous monsters and creepy looking guys like Silence of the Lambs, but the evildoer can also be something as innocent as a pretty little girl…or cute fluffy kitten. Don’t get me wrong, I did give the little guy a chance. I made manny peace offerings and attempts at affection (which was received with an intense and blood-drawing attack on my hand). But nothing seemed to work. So our relationship, as a result, is somewhat complicated. I find myself torn between compassion for this cute little orphan and hatred for his claw flaring tactics. Will we ever reach a point of compromise? Well, that is yet to be determined. But with his sneak attacks and aggressive biting that reality is far in the future. Till then, my pure aim is to either win him over with love and affection (not working thus far) or to beat him at his own game. Let the battle begin!!

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